What if this was always the plan?
What if the greatest mystery of the gospel is that God’s light shines through broken glass with greater intensity than through unmarred windows?
What if the greatest gift we have to give to each other is the rags of our ruin and God’s redemption?
What if we stopped being afraid, afraid of our story, our humanity, our not-good-enoughness?
What if we asked God for the gift to hear beyond what people are saying, or shouting or cursing to the cry of their hearts?
What if every time we caught a glimpse of our own imperfect reflection we saw God’s love with such overwhelming clarity that it would be hard to resist?
What if brokenness is really God’s secret weapon after all?
A heart that is thirsty
A heart that is longing
A heart that sings for you alone
Sustained and strengthen by your undying grace
You renew me each day
You build a tower of praise in me
I worship you for your everlasting love
I bow down to my King and my only God
Oh Father, how majestic is your throne
All glory and worship are yours
The life I have created by your hands
Clothe by your Spirit is all yours my God
Your whisper calms the storm in me
Your presence gives me sight of truth
The Name higher than Heaven
Changed my life by your love
I am thankful for you have loved me. I am grateful for you have freed me. I am thankful for you have died for me. You feed my soul; you take away my thirst. What more can I say? The words this world has known are not enough to describe vividly the goodness of your works in my life; a life that I couldn’t say my own for it doesn’t belong to my hands anymore.
You embraced the cross for me. You shed tears and blood for my salvation. You stepped out of heaven, became a servant of this world to lead my sight to abundance of life; to show me I am loved even before I was conceived in the womb of my mother.
You stitched perfectly a beautiful future for me even before I could recognize your face. Thousand times I failed to acknowledge your presence. I have thrown away your love many times. I have questioned your wisdom and plans for me yet these unreasonable actions never stop you from chasing my lost soul. You are aware of the level of my understanding of you so you continue to pursue your lowly servant.
I am wounded and weak yet you called me. You are healing me to be prepared for a new battle. You allow us to fight not to be hurt but to bring home victory. Indeed, no one wins without fighting. In this challenge, you have been in the front raw. I am no longer afraid for in this chaotic journey for I will gain nothing but life. Uncovering your will for me is not an easy task yet the peace you have been giving me is more than enough for me to embrace it entirely, with confidence and courage to do it until new mission arrives my way.
I find no reason to disobey you for following your will is my joy.
You go a mile after next. Wherever your feet may lead your way, never forget the beauty of every smile, laughter, and face you encounter. They might not be in your wishing list, God allowed them to be part of your life to mold you to the person He wants you to be. Accept them with gratitude and joy no matter how tough or easy your journey is. Embrace and love them with your all. You are destined to keep them in your heart.
I heard line expressing how unfair the world I live in. In moments I cannot tell my thoughts to any ear that is very much willing to listen, I feel how lonely and heavy the weight I am carrying. Thoughts of unworthiness come in my mind and whisper words that continue to drag me down. It is sometimes easy to leave the issues hanging, walk out and let the doors of anxieties be closed. Yes, it is very much easier but an that actions will never be right and will forever remain unwise.
My parents left when I was four years old. Our maternal grandmother was very much present in our lives so I guess she volunteered herself to act as our surrogate parent to me and my a year old sister.
Growing up with my grandmother, I can say was a bit hard because she was strict. Her shouting voice turned to be a melody to my immune hearing senses. When being a kid was released without her permission, mistakes sprouted and what happened next was moment of silence the blasts of cries would enter the moment.
She would normally hit us with her bare hands, thick belt and stick or anything she would easily grab to discipline our child image. Bruises and sometimes wounds popped out my skin after the crying scenes. I begged her, asked for her forgiveness but she remained deaf, unable to hear my small and little voice crying our mercy.
Almost everyday, being afraid was normal when she’s around. I tried not to boil the water but I guess being unconscious is really normal for a child. All the effort I exerted not to push my lola to the limit was a bit useless.
Hmmmnnnn… Oh past… :))
Marami akong gustong sabihin sa ibang tao. Mga bagay na ako mismo hindi ko maintindihan sa sarili ko. Nagtataka ako minsan bakit kailangang pumasok pa sa isip ko ang mga bagay na ito. Hindi ko rin naman mailabas. Hindi ko tuloy mapiligilan ang sarili kong mainis bat hinyaan ko itong pumasok.
Madaldal ako pero sa kabila ng napakaraming salita na lumalabas sa bibig ko, marami pa ring natitira sa sarili ko. Hindi ko masabi. Lagi ko lang naiisip. Gusto ko mang humingi ng tulong di ko magawa kasi maraming nangyayari sa buhay ko na pumipigil sa akin. Ang ilan dito nangyari na. Ang iba nangyayari pa lang kaya hindi ko pa ito mabigyan ng analisasyon. Para sa akin ang paghingi ng tulong ay hindi mabilis gawin. Nasa estado pa lang ako ng estudyante; nag-aaral.
Sa mga panahong di ako makapagsalita, nahihirapan akong makisama. Kahit mukhang marami naman akong kakilala sa paningin ko mukang iilan lang sa kanila ang malaya akong nakakaramdam ng pagmamahal. Pagmamahal na kahit hindi ko hilingin bibinibigay nila ng buo. Hindi ko alam kung dapat ko ba itong isisi sa kakulangan ko ng pakikisama o sadyang sarado lang talaga ang lugar na papasukan ko; nakakandado at ayaw nilang magpapasok ng estranghero.
Halos lahat ng nakakasama ko, parang may sarili ng grupo. At ang grupo na minsang nasabi kong akin, unti-unti nang nawala at naglakad palayo. Pinipilit kong sumama sa iba pero parang may kanya-kanya na silang mundo na sila mismong bumuo. Isa sa dahilan kaya mahirap makisali. Marahil wala akong dalang pwedeng ibahagi kapag ako ay nakikisalo.
Nakakausap ko sila oo, pag wala sila sa sarili nilang mga kasama, mga taong nakasama nila mula pa noong sila ay nagsisimula. Pero kapag nandyan na sila, ito na naman ako maghahanap na naman ng bagong makakasalamuha. Mahirap sa pakiramdam kasi noong nilingon ko ang paligid ko lahat sila kanya-kanya na ang kasiyahan. At ako hindi makasali sa kanilang mga usapan.
Klaro sa aking hindi ako marunong pumasok sa ganitong klaseng situwasyon. May mga alaala pa rin mula sa aking nakaraan na parang bumabalik at nagpaparamdam; panahon na ayaw ko na sanang balikan.
Kung anu-ano nang tumatakbo sa isip ko. Madalas mas madalaling mapag-isa na lang kaysa makihalo.
Ayoko nang magtagal pa ito sa isip ko. Lalong lumalaki ang espasyo na nasasakop nito sa ulo ko. Mabigat na syang dalhin. Mahirap na syang kontrolin. Ayoko nang hayaan ito na ang magdesisyon para sa akin.
Mahina ako sa sitwasyong ganito. Madalas bumababa ang tingin ko sa sarili ko sa mga oras na ito. At ang iba na pilit kong inaabot lalong tumataas kapag ako’y nagkakaganito.
Sana hindi na magpatuloy ang ganitong agos ng isip ko. Sana mapagod na ito, tumigil at huminga kahit papaano. Nais ko ring maglakbay sandali sa katahimikan kung meron man ang mundo. Sa ganitong paraan, mas madaling makinig sa tinig na sa puso ko lang maaaring marinig. Hudyat na handa na ang langit magsalita para ako ay gabayan sa kaguluhang maaaring ako lang ang may gawa. Sa pananahimik ng digmaan sa loob ng aking katawan, hudyat na ang liwanag ay bukas na patungo sa aking kalooban para sumilong. Panahaon na para ang puno kong isip ay malagas at mauhaw sa Kanya.