Nothing but ME!

12th December 2011

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Loosing our Chances, but…

We did our plan but not enough to execute everything we had in mind. Yesterday was a tiring day. We experienced unexpected scenarios and we have to adjust as fast as we could. We were not prepared to handle such circumstances. But no one is deserving to be blamed. Maybe our efforts were not enough to fit the situation. 

Our schedules are killing me. The setting of our shoot should be night scene. However, most of our class end up late. When we are free, they are not and vice versa. This is really frustrating. As much as possible, we didn’t want to compromise their safety and sacrifice some of our subjects. I wanted to be fair w/ my professors. 

So our group felt like we have no choice but to shoot it during morning. I don’t know but we’re kind of desperate already. 

Because of that decision, we lose our chance to prove ourselves to our professor. Our block has always been in this kind situation every week. It is very saddening and frustrating. I saw how my classmates did everything to squeeze out our creative juices but before we show him our output, our chance just slept away like a blink of an eye. Our fear was so overflowing that we couldn’t even dare to have a deal with him, as if we will never  have the chance to win. We are confident of our films last week but it wasn’t enough to conquer our anxiousness. 

I know everything happens for a reason. Our efforts maybe lacking but I believe there are so much more we can give. God provides. He is just. All we need to do is trust Him and work-hard to uncover the talents He gave us.

Our failures are avenues for improvement. In this way we can learn and grow. 

I believe God is putting us in this situation because He knew that we can still give more. And He is using our professor to help us improve what we have. And I am thankful for that reason. In His perfect time, He’ll bless our efforts. 

What happened was a humbling experience. :)

29th August 2011

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You died because you want us to live. You gave all you can give; you suffered and even hung on the cross for us to be saved.  You, the only son of Almighty God surrendered, all your privileges, your power to give us reason to live, to show us how much we are loved.

I look back where I have been through and saw how I have been using my time, energy, my strengths. I realized I never gave my all, my everything, to make myself better.

Now tell me, am I worth it? I am ungrateful, unfaithful, sinner, impure. Am I worth it?

Jesus answered, “Yes. You are worth it.”

I replied, “Are you serious? I never stop hurting you. Most of the time, I disobey you. Am I still worth it?”

Jesus answered, “Yes, you are worth it, because I love you. You don’t need to prove it. My love for you is enough. You are worth it.” 

29th June 2011

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Reflection

June 26

John 6:51,55

I am the living bread that came down from heaven. If anyone eats of this bread, he will live forever. This bread is my flesh, which I will give for the life of the world… For my flesh is real food and my blood is real drink. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood, remain in me and I in him.

My Child,

I saved you and gave my life for you to have a new life. Don’t stop following me for I am the source of your life. You will lose it if you lose me. You will have it if you have me. Continue to seek me more in your prayer. I am the food and drink of your soul. Without me, it will die; you will die. A life with dead soul is death itself. Continue to feed your soul with my flesh and blood and you will surely live life abundantly. Seek me more my child. Seek me. 

20th June 2011

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The letter

Dear Father,

You are the reason why I’m always hopeful of what the future could offer me. I’m absolutely not sure of what will happen but I am confident with your plans in my life. I maybe anxious at times but I am more excited of what you will reveal to me in your perfect time. You are an encouragement. My only reason why I am able to move forward and seek you more in my prayers everyday. I know challenges will definitely arise in this journey. Yes, I will fail. Yes, I will be in pain. I will cry hard. For sure, I will even get tired. But please, don’t give up on me. My Lord, be patient. I know you are. I know, you will always be. Problems might crush me for as human being, I am weak. I’m not perfect. My actions might hurt you. But Lord, you alone can heal me. You alone can make me anew. You’re bigger than any trials that I am and I will be facing. 

I know you will always give me a new day to start. You will always grant me a new day to hope. You have all the power to destroy my enemies if you wish. But your heart has so much love to give. Anger, grievances and wrath are not welcome anymore. Thank you for your mercy for it gave me the desire to have a new life with you. I will never be this hopeful without your presence in me. 

Lord, you have so much to offer. Indeed, your plans in my life are marvelous as you are. Allow me to trust you more everyday. Grant me the grace to surrender my everything to you. Use my life as an instrument of your works for it is my honor to serve you as my master, my only redeeemer. I’m glad to be part of your mission. My heart has overlowing joy for you called me by name. You are my shield and protection, whom shall I fear? This battle maybe tough but I kow that you will provide me all the things that I need. You eqquipped me for this. And I know I will win. No one has ever gain victory without your presence. All who turn their back against you will only lose at the end. That I am very confident. I will be victorious for I am fighting with you. Seeking you more strengthens me. You transform my weaknesses to humility. THank you Father.

I proclaim, YOU ARE MY GOD. To worship you is my joy.

I’m afraid to get lost so I will stand still and listen only to your directions. Take away my worries and doubts. Empower me with your Holy spirit and teach me the actions that will please you more. May your truth reign in my life forever. May my life refelects your love. Allow me to be generous of what I have for you provide them all to me. Give me the strength to always say yes to whatever you ask me to do. Allow me to be obedient of your commands. Continue to work in life my Father.

I lift up to you all my concerns and desires of my heart. I know you will handle them with care ad love. 

Your will be done in my life.

I love you Father. Mold me to a woman you want me to be.

Your daugther,

Steph

21st April 2011

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Meeting an Angel (April 19)

MRT have been part of my system for a while now. Usual day, I thought. Still in the middle of wondering, walking peacefully and a little bit unconscious, I ride a train from Magallanes Station to Quezon Avenue. 

Then I sat beside a girl, accompanied by her mom. Obviously, she has kidney failure. You can conclude her condition is kind of serious. In silence, I prayed for her. Looking at her, thoughts run through my head. Her innocence pushed me to look at her with mercy. At her age, life seems so hard. At her condition, everyday, she’s in a battle winning her life. 

I tried to focus my attention on the view outside the train’s window because I really felt sorry for her, but I couldn’t take my attention out of the girl.

Suddenly, I was shocked when her mom hit her. The scene caught the attention of other passengers. Her mom explained her side. That situation was a chance for her to open herself up. 

She willingly revealed her daughter’s condition. Her daughter was diagnosed with bone cancer. Tired and empty pocket, some of the words she uttered, glued immediately on my head. According to her, they were heading to Trinoma to meet some of her friends to ask for financial help. 

Filipinos truly own  good heart. Listening to the story of a mom’s greatness touched other people’s hearts. Some of the passenger gave her money, a small help for her child’s medication. 

Listening to her story made me cry. I thought I could handle it but as I continued to talk to her, I failed.

Chatting with strangers was not new for me. Some part of me wanted to know more about their current situation. I learned the kid’s name, Maui (What a beautiful name). She also told me that Maui has been battling with cancer since her birth and that caused her kidney failure. 

My tears continued to run out my eyes knowing that her condition is hopeless. I still couldn’t believe Maui is running out of time. According to her doctor, she will only last for a month. I didn’t know why I couldn’t stop myself from crying. That scene was truly heartbreaking. 

One reason might be, Maui is such a sweet girl. She kept on hugging me, embracing my arms. She didn’t even bother that I’m a total stranger. She never run out of reason to smile to everyone. She is so generous of the joy and hope she has in her heart. Being with her was not a waste of time. It was a gift.

I can say, God gave her the power to touch lives effortlessly. One can only be that joyful if God is in her life. God is truly near to young ones and broken hearted.

Maui is truly an inspiration. She perfectly demonstrated that type of problems will always depend on how an individual will handle them. She showed me that hope and love can truly ease worries and burdens away. 

Maui didn’t know how much impact she could make to other people’s lives. I was truly moved by her. For sure, some of the passengers who heard her story were also touched.

Last night before I sleep, my memories with her occupied my head. Through Maui, God reminded me how life would be if I became a child-like. Life will always be alright in my eyes. Life will always be fine. Life will always be filled with joy no matter what. 

Thank you so much Lord for allowing me to met someone as precious as Maui. For a short period of time, I already felt that I love her. I really do. 

She will always be in my heart.

I  pray to see her again. May the good Lord continue to bless Maui and her family. May He grant them the things they truly deserve. May they find peace, hope and joy in Him always. 

I know God’s plan will always reign. He will always be just to His people. 

PS: If one will always focus her attention to herself, she will always feel that the world is unfair. Always.

22nd March 2011

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Trust tomorrow as you trust today

When things didn’t work out the way I planned, I turn around and ask why? Did I do something wrong? But sometimes I feel I should not worry much I as I often do, for other things can grow and move without my consent. In other words they are out of control. So why worry? I should trust tomorrow as I trust today. I should tell myself “Trust yourself” cause sometimes the outcome is not the only thing that matters. Most of the time it is the effort we gave and the abilities that we stretch in us. So again, why worry? Just trust. His plans are better than mine and I should put my confidence in His precious hands.